Friday, May 15, 2009

Never Been Me

For longer than I can remember, I've been trying to find
The life that would make me happy, that I'd be proud to live
But no matter what I do, the thought is always in my mind
That I'm still not content, that I have so much more to give


Looking back now, I can clearly see
That I've been living someone else's dream
And been a pawn in other people's schemes
In all of my life, I've never been me.


From childhood I began to make a plan for life
Only to have others treat it like a huge joke--
I wanted a man to touch my poet's soul, to make me a mother and wife
But I let their ridicule blow the dream away like so much smoke.


Denied the chance to really be free
I've been living someone else's dream
And been a pawn in other people's schemes
In all of my life, I've never been me.


Told that my writing was a waste of paper and ink
I gave it up for a time, let them give me another career
I let those who "knew what was best" tell me what to think
And tried to ignore the lines my muse would whisper in my ear.


Crying for the woman I wanted to be
While I'm living someone else's dream
Used as a pawn in other people's schemes
In all of my life, I've never been me.


I've let men in my life, and they've tried to win my heart
But the woman they've tried to win is not the one deep in my soul
I've learned to keep my true hopes and dreams in a place apart
While I longed to find the man who could accept me as a whole.


Longing for the one with whom I could be a "we"
I go on living someone else's dream
Being a pawn in other people's schemes
In all of my life I've never been me.
© 2008 TDK

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